Ron Clifford was in the tower when the plane carrying his sister and niece crashed into the Tower. He also help to rescue a woman who was on fire in the lobby. His Story Here
Friday, September 11, 2020
Friday, May 17, 2019
Cancerversary 62% !!!
May 17, 2019
Today I've reached a milestone! I am celebrating the day I found out I had cancer. I know it sounds strange that I would celebrate - but this year is different!
There are older posts within this blog detailing how 'that day' went down. I am trying to focus on the fact I am still alive! I describe it as a cosmic kick in the gut. I can still feel the kick in the gut, the tears, sobbing, calling my fiance, my Mom and Dad - my sister. My boss/friend and a few more friends. More sobbing and then curling up in the fetal position. Literally curling up in the fetal position. My boss/friend Carol came to my house surprising me. She rescued me that day - brought me flowers and took me to get a bite to eat.
I was 35 days out from getting married. (honestly my life during that period sounded like a made for TV movie that was about meeting the right person, getting married, getting cancer etc) I had been feeling fatigued and it gradually got worse over 3 years. I tried to find out why but medical professionals never took the next step. I wake up with a pinched nerve earlier that week leading up to the finding. I go see my Chiropractor and at the end of the week he sends me for an MRI. That's where they found the cancer. In my bones.
I had/have Non-Hodgin's lymphoma and it was in nearly all my bones at the point. The official breakdown : Follicular lymphoma, high grade - mixed follicular and diffuse pattern B- Cell stage 4. I had it so long that it was transforming into an aggressive form. Those who know me - know I am an over achiever . heehee
Fast forward - to now. I've been in remission since 12/18/14! There have been ups and downs. I still am not physically what I used to be and never will be. I look older thanks to Chemo! In many ways I am not the person I used to be. My core values are the same of course - but I do suffer from depression at times and get so tired I sleep all weekend. My husband is a Staint!
There is no cure for my type of Non-Hodgin's lymphoma. There is much more to my cancer journey I didn't tell you about. But I will tell you chemo is hard. Fighting for your life is the ultimate challenge. We all know there is no guarantee in life - but knowing you have cancer, that it will or can kill you and surviving to live another day, week, month and year is winning. It's the ultimate gift. Sending good thoughts, good vibes and prayers to my friends who are beginning the battle and those who are still fighting the good fight. #KOKO
So why am I celebrating today? Because I am a statistic today. I happily accept I am in the 62 percentile that is alive at the 5 year mark after being diagnosed.
Cancer.net
"The 5-year survival rate tells you what percent of people live at least 5 years after the cancer is found. Percent means how many out of 100. The overall 5-year survival rate for people with NHL is 71%. For men, the 5-year survival rate is 69%. For women, it’s 72%. For stage I NHL, the 5-year survival rate is almost 82%. For stage II the 5-year survival rate is 75% and for stage III it is 69%. For stage IV NHL, the 5-year survival rate is almost 62%. These survival rates vary depending on the cancer’s stage and subtype."
Thank you to:
My Husband Kerry - who kept me alive
My children - Logan and Lindy
My Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother
Dr.Philip Connolly
Carol Blake
Dr. Reyes
Dr. Yacoub
Today I've reached a milestone! I am celebrating the day I found out I had cancer. I know it sounds strange that I would celebrate - but this year is different!
There are older posts within this blog detailing how 'that day' went down. I am trying to focus on the fact I am still alive! I describe it as a cosmic kick in the gut. I can still feel the kick in the gut, the tears, sobbing, calling my fiance, my Mom and Dad - my sister. My boss/friend and a few more friends. More sobbing and then curling up in the fetal position. Literally curling up in the fetal position. My boss/friend Carol came to my house surprising me. She rescued me that day - brought me flowers and took me to get a bite to eat.
I was 35 days out from getting married. (honestly my life during that period sounded like a made for TV movie that was about meeting the right person, getting married, getting cancer etc) I had been feeling fatigued and it gradually got worse over 3 years. I tried to find out why but medical professionals never took the next step. I wake up with a pinched nerve earlier that week leading up to the finding. I go see my Chiropractor and at the end of the week he sends me for an MRI. That's where they found the cancer. In my bones.
I had/have Non-Hodgin's lymphoma and it was in nearly all my bones at the point. The official breakdown : Follicular lymphoma, high grade - mixed follicular and diffuse pattern B- Cell stage 4. I had it so long that it was transforming into an aggressive form. Those who know me - know I am an over achiever . heehee
Fast forward - to now. I've been in remission since 12/18/14! There have been ups and downs. I still am not physically what I used to be and never will be. I look older thanks to Chemo! In many ways I am not the person I used to be. My core values are the same of course - but I do suffer from depression at times and get so tired I sleep all weekend. My husband is a Staint!
There is no cure for my type of Non-Hodgin's lymphoma. There is much more to my cancer journey I didn't tell you about. But I will tell you chemo is hard. Fighting for your life is the ultimate challenge. We all know there is no guarantee in life - but knowing you have cancer, that it will or can kill you and surviving to live another day, week, month and year is winning. It's the ultimate gift. Sending good thoughts, good vibes and prayers to my friends who are beginning the battle and those who are still fighting the good fight. #KOKO
So why am I celebrating today? Because I am a statistic today. I happily accept I am in the 62 percentile that is alive at the 5 year mark after being diagnosed.
Cancer.net
"The 5-year survival rate tells you what percent of people live at least 5 years after the cancer is found. Percent means how many out of 100. The overall 5-year survival rate for people with NHL is 71%. For men, the 5-year survival rate is 69%. For women, it’s 72%. For stage I NHL, the 5-year survival rate is almost 82%. For stage II the 5-year survival rate is 75% and for stage III it is 69%. For stage IV NHL, the 5-year survival rate is almost 62%. These survival rates vary depending on the cancer’s stage and subtype."
Thank you to:
My Husband Kerry - who kept me alive
My children - Logan and Lindy
My Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother
Dr.Philip Connolly
Carol Blake
Dr. Reyes
Dr. Yacoub
The University of Kansas Cancer Center -- Dr. Yacoub
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
CancerVersary III
May 17, 2017
Significant by date alone. While celebrate isn't the exact word - I am acknowledging my CancervVersary. This is the day three years ago I learned that I had cancer. I didn't know what type exactly. But.... that's when the words metastatic disease -- possibly lymphoma came into my life.
I won't go into all the background but I can tell you the cosmic kick in the stomach that day was swift and hard. I was 35 days out from getting married! I mean ... come on~ But it is - what it is. After getting the news I called my then soon to be husband who lived in a different city than I. Then my parents and other family Sister, Brother, friends ,Boss, co-workers.
I was in shock.
In June we got married as we had planned. I finally got my full diagnoses: Follicular lymphoma, high grade - mixed follicular and diffuse pattern B- Cell - stage 4. A very aggressive form at this point. Long story short - 6 rounds of Chemo - 2 years of maintenance and I am nearly 2 1/2 years in remission.
I always think of May 16, 2014 as the last good day. The last good day before I was told I had cancer. Before I had to bring extra worry and work to my (new) husband. I had just normal worries.
In some ways it feels longer than 3 years. In other ways it feels like yesterday. Am I grateful I am alive? Yes. I am a realist - I did not transform into one of those people who walk around going wow... golly it's great to be alive! I am the same as far as outlook on life, work and stuff.
I am hanging onto remission for as long as I can and looking forward to acknowledging my CancerVersary next year.
#NoOneFightsAlone #CancerSucks #Theycantkillus #Lymphoma
Significant by date alone. While celebrate isn't the exact word - I am acknowledging my CancervVersary. This is the day three years ago I learned that I had cancer. I didn't know what type exactly. But.... that's when the words metastatic disease -- possibly lymphoma came into my life.
I won't go into all the background but I can tell you the cosmic kick in the stomach that day was swift and hard. I was 35 days out from getting married! I mean ... come on~ But it is - what it is. After getting the news I called my then soon to be husband who lived in a different city than I. Then my parents and other family Sister, Brother, friends ,Boss, co-workers.
I was in shock.
In June we got married as we had planned. I finally got my full diagnoses: Follicular lymphoma, high grade - mixed follicular and diffuse pattern B- Cell - stage 4. A very aggressive form at this point. Long story short - 6 rounds of Chemo - 2 years of maintenance and I am nearly 2 1/2 years in remission.
I always think of May 16, 2014 as the last good day. The last good day before I was told I had cancer. Before I had to bring extra worry and work to my (new) husband. I had just normal worries.
In some ways it feels longer than 3 years. In other ways it feels like yesterday. Am I grateful I am alive? Yes. I am a realist - I did not transform into one of those people who walk around going wow... golly it's great to be alive! I am the same as far as outlook on life, work and stuff.
I am hanging onto remission for as long as I can and looking forward to acknowledging my CancerVersary next year.
#NoOneFightsAlone #CancerSucks #Theycantkillus #Lymphoma
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Emotions Flatlined
Ever have flat feeling for emotions? Nothing you can put your finger on - but you feel flat, sad maybe?
That's how I feel at the moment. I feel like crawling into a hole and staying there for a while. Maybe it's just the introvert in me? I will go hug my dog shortly... she will give me some comfort.
Maybe its the start of the holidays? I hate celebrating Christmas. I like buying gifts but I hate the falseness of it. Good will toward men should be everyday not once a year.
Anyway -- just need to get this out.
That's how I feel at the moment. I feel like crawling into a hole and staying there for a while. Maybe it's just the introvert in me? I will go hug my dog shortly... she will give me some comfort.
Maybe its the start of the holidays? I hate celebrating Christmas. I like buying gifts but I hate the falseness of it. Good will toward men should be everyday not once a year.
Anyway -- just need to get this out.
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
CancerVersary II
CancerVersary - Yes today is my CancerVersary May 17, 2014 was the first time I learned I had cancer.
Much has happened in the last two years. I am still in maintenance chemo - my hair is longer - and I am still in remission!! (1 year and 5 months). Maintenance ends in a few months.
I feel very differently on this CancerVersary. I am not sad. I am grateful. Grateful I survived R-CHOP and have stayed in remission from Follicular lymphoma, high grade - mixed follicular and diffuse pattern B- Cell.
On May 17, 2014 on my drive home from getting the news, I heard Alanis Morissette - Ironic, which became my theme song, if you will. Since at that time I was 35 days out from getting married and beginning a new life. It all worked out fine, something I can say now. :-)
I am grateful. I am alive. I am.
Friday, May 15, 2015
CancerVersary - We Are Alive
From 2011 through to 2014 several Doctors had no level of suspicion that I might have cancer. Despite some clues and many, many missed opportunities. I will not bore you with all the details from doctor visits and me explaining I can no longer enjoy my passion (photographing wildlife) as I have no energy. I was exhausted all the time. I was suffering. But soon I would get an answer.
Finally, during the early morning (middle of the night) of May 12, 2014, I awoke with the worst burning pinched nerve pain I had ever felt.
I can't have a pinched nerve! I am getting married in 35 days!! I booked an appointment with my Chiropractor to get some help. Fast forward to Friday of that week, I went in for an MRI. Got up Saturday morning to take Mary Mac to the vet. My Chiropractor called asking me to come to his office to discuss my MRI results.
You mean now? Him - yes. Are the results that bad? Him just come on down. Me ok. Called and canceled the vet visit, called my then fiancé to let him know my Chiropractor wanted me to come down.
By the way - My Chiropractor is closed on Saturdays.
Yes the MRI confirmed a pinched nerve and they found bone marrow infiltration, consistent with Lymphoma or metastatic disease.
It was only the two us in the Chiropractor's waiting room and I had that feeling like I wanted to look around the room to make sure he meant me. During the conversation I remained composed as I always do. That's just the way I am.
I headed home trying to decide what to say to Kerry whom I was to marry in 35 days. Hi Honey, guess what? No, I didn't buy that dress, No, I didn't change my hair color. Ready?! I have cancer! How do you tell someone, your getting married to in approximately 35 days, that you have cancer?
I won’t go into details as it was a very private moment. Suffice it to say it was much like being kicked in the stomach for both of us. Then I told my parents, sister, brother, boss, friends ---- not easy at all.
The man I would marry, next to my Dad, is the most noble man I know. Kerry and I married June 21, 2014. The best day of my life.
The last year has been many things. Fun and entertaining isn’t one of them.
I finally got my final diagnoses and then it was time to start chemotherapy. Last week of July 2014. When I started chemo I was still hoping that all the tests were wrong, all the pathology, PetScan, CTScan were wrong. That last stage of denial.
Sitting in the cancer waiting room at my treatment center seemed like an out of body experience the first 10 times. I call it the “Star Wars Bar”. People from all walks of life, all types of cancers, ages and nationalities. After a few visits you know what stage people are at with their treatment. Hair? They’ve yet to start chemo.
I’ve had great support and then some from family, friends, coworkers, and my husband and step children. I’ve also learned some lessons from my friends who have or have had cancer. They are my heroes.
I am sometimes bitter that it took three years to find my cancer and when we did it was transforming to a more aggressive cancer. If we would have found it sooner perhaps the treatment might have been less harsh. The outcome would have remained the same. The "what ifs" do linger.
I remember the last good day I had before cancer. I remember the first day after I learned it was a cancer of some type. The first time you hear - you need to check with your oncologist - it's like a stab in the heart.
I hope to stay in remission for as long as I can before my cancer takes off again and I have to face more treatment decisions. Yes, it will come back. There is no cure and I will never defeat it. I am just being real. I don't have time to play games with myself.
Sometimes - in fleeting moments I forget I have cancer or that my hair is very short and growing. I like those moments. I feel normal, have energy, not in pain, and planning for the future.
I have mixed feelings about my "CancerVersary". I dread it. I don’t care. I guess like those milestone birthday’s - will I feel different once May 17 arrives? Probably not.
I will always have neuropathy in my hands, not be able to eat certain foods that now make me ill to smell them, not drink Coke as it tastes totally different post chemo.
From May 17 onward, I will always have Cancer.Well, I had it before May 17, but that is the first day I knew about it. :-)
For my first "CancerVersary" - I will check the "I am still here" column and that will have to be good enough for this year.
Special Thank you to my family, my many, many fab friends and my amazing husband - Kerry. I love you.
Remission 12-18-2014
- 07/15/2015 Final diagnoses - Follicular lymphoma, high grade - mixed follicular and diffuse pattern B- Cell
- 6 rounds of R-CHOP
- Rituxan every other month for two years (maintenance)
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
And I Have. ......
I don't know my final diagnosis. Why? Because I haven't had my biopsy. CRAP. Am trying to get it done at KU Med.
Hoping to get it done early next week or the week after. I am getting married in less than week. So I would like to not be in recovery mode post biopsy on my wedding day.
I am frustrated. Hey, you have cancer, but good luck getting a diagnosis. Says the universe in laughter. Ok, that's not how I feel really, but it's close.
My bone mets (see I am already picking up on the lingo) in my arm seem to be better? Is that possible? But my upper back still hurts. :(
Someone please give me a final diagnosis so I can get on with it. I can't possibly read any more survival %'s. With bone mets the average life span is 1 to two years, but your mileage may vary.
Sigh. .............
Hoping to get it done early next week or the week after. I am getting married in less than week. So I would like to not be in recovery mode post biopsy on my wedding day.
I am frustrated. Hey, you have cancer, but good luck getting a diagnosis. Says the universe in laughter. Ok, that's not how I feel really, but it's close.
My bone mets (see I am already picking up on the lingo) in my arm seem to be better? Is that possible? But my upper back still hurts. :(
Someone please give me a final diagnosis so I can get on with it. I can't possibly read any more survival %'s. With bone mets the average life span is 1 to two years, but your mileage may vary.
Sigh. .............
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