Adapting

It's been 1 week since Nermal went to the Rainbow Bridge. I had her cremated and picked up her ashes on Tuesday, Dec 7th. This has been a very difficult week. I am so heartbroken. I miss my girl. Chloe is starting to figure out that Nermal is gone. She too is having a difficult time adjusting.

Monday, I will order Nermal's urn for her ashes and then I can place her favorite toy mouse and a package of vittles with her for her journey.

I know that with time the hurt will subside, but the missing her ... will continue.

Nermal May 1986 to December 2004

Nermal Being Soulful
Originally uploaded by Finiky.

Nermal

I brought Nermal home from the animal hospital last night. I brought meds and a bag of fluid that I was to give her daily. She had chronic renal failure and the last month has been a blur.

I remember the day we brought her home. My then boyfriend and I visited an animal shelter in Cable County West Virginia. At the time there was a cat at home named Garfield. (hence the name Nermal). There sitting in this cage all by herself. Sitting there patiently... the worlds cutest kitten. I took her home and the rest is history.

That was in 1986. Her first vet visit, we determined she was about 6 weeks old or so. Her birthday, May 7. Also the date my Father died in 1970. That first vet visit I would hear for the first time and certainly not the last, Nermal is Normal.

Over the years she took good care of me. Moving, jobs, boyfriends, bad , good , cold and warm days and vacations. Not to mention marriage... and divorce.

She would come running if you whistled the theme from the Andy Griffith show. If you were standing she would do this hop and rub up against you. Her specialty was the headbutt. Many a time when she was sitting on my lap-- when taking sips of coffee or coke -- I would get the headbutt. One of the last great headbutts was as we were driving to my parents house in Ohio for Thanksgiving. Once on a quite stretch of highway I let her sit in my lap as I drove. She stood on her hind legs at some point, resting her frontpaws on my left arm which was attached to the steering wheel. She watched as the world whizzed by. At some point showing her happiness, she head bonked me good. Knocking my glasses nearly off my face. :)

She was a great caring creature. I had major surgery in 1992. I was going through my purse at the hospital and found her favorite toy mouse. I wondered then if she dropped it in for me as a good luck charm. If she did.. it worked.

She put up with a lot from me. Late hours at work, many hours in front of the computer. I swear she knows as much code as I do. :) She sat beside me or on my lap for several years while I worked. Maybe the next great blog is Cats Who Code or Will Code for Tuna.

This week she entered her final days. I spent most of the week crying off and on and wondering if I had done right by her over the years-- 18 and a half years to be exact.

Thursday night I stopped by the hospital to see her and she seemed so much improved. Her eyes bright, some purring, headbutts. I was so relieved. Her blood work showed improvements too. So Friday night I brought her home. Once home it was clear to me she did not feel as well as I thought.

I spent time with her. Holding her, stroking her, whispering in her ear. When it was time for bed, I scooped her up in my arms. Lifted her on the bed and we settled in. In the middle of the night I got up to go to the bathroom and she was missing. I found her sitting in the bathroom on the rug. I can only guess she couldn't get up to the bed once she got off. I picked her up and brought her back to bed with me.

I got up and she was gone again. Understand, this is not typical for her. She stays with me no matter what. Our morning routine was always the same. I got up, she followed me downstairs to wait by her bowl to be fed. Not today. I found her under my bed. Reality once again seeped in.

What I loving enough to do the right thing for her? I had all the meds and iv bag of fluids to support her. I was and am willing to do whatever it takes. I watched her struggle to get comfortable. Her breathing seemed off. She wouldn't eat.

I knew what I had to do. I spent the morning talking to her, thanking her for being a good kitty. (My pretty Girl) I called the animal hospital to let them know of my decision.

We arrived. I paid and told them I wanted to have her ashes returned to me. The part of this story I am not telling in great detail is the pain and sorrow I had. Tears kept streaming down my face. They would not - could not stop.

We soon went back to the room. A very nice quite peaceful room. I told the tech that I wanted her to be sedated. They took my Nermal back to insert a catheter and sedate her. They brought her back in wrapped in a towel. I asked that we wrap her in her blue blanket I bought for our trip to Ohio. So we wrapped her up and I sat on the bench with her in my arms. I should mention that the spirit that I've known as Nermal was gone. I didn't have that sense of her. Which in part is why I made the decision.

We sat on the bench waiting for the vet. I let my tears fall on her gray furry head, kissed her head. Hugged her and sang her song to her one last time. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know Nermie, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away. " I thanked her for taking such good care of me and that I will always love her and will miss her. I told her Garfield and Chibi are waiting for her.

The vet came in and asked if I wanted to hold her and I said yes. She then gave her the solution. I held on ever so tightly and lovingly. She was gone. Her heart had stopped. The vet then gave us some time together. I cried, sobbed is more like it. Again, wetting the top of her furry head with my tears. One last I love you.

Everyone should have one good cat in their life. I have been very blessed. Chloe and I will go on. Our house is different with out Nermal's energy. One can feel the change. There is a void.

Nermal had a long life and I was ever so lucky that she chose me.

LULLABYE LYRICS

Goodnight, my angel
Now it’s time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I’m rocking you to sleep
The water’s dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You’ll always be a part of me

Giving Her Wings

Nermal i s home. It is clear to me that her quality of life, no matter how much I love her, give her fluids, medications and pray, will not be enough. Sometime today I will do the right thing by her.

I will give her wings, so her spirit can soar from her tired body.

"You are my sunshine."....

Balance Restored

Nermal is home from the Animal Hospital. To my home, balance is restored.

Happy Holiday

Happy Holiday
Originally uploaded by Finiky.

Nermal in her holiday antlers. She has been very, very sick. Tonight finally some good news from the Vet. I am not ready to say good-bye to my fuzzy friend.

She is 18 and a half.

This picture was taken several years ago.